women & connecting the head & heart
So many women are feeling stuck, sad, overwhelmed by life’s circumstances or relationship issues. And in this work, I’ve found, that many women take the blame for things – wondering, how do I improve, do better, say the right thing… be perfect enough.
Enough, but not too much.
If I could strike that perfect balance of “in betweenness” it will fix mypartner, keep things calm, make things right.
Over-responsibility that often started bubbling up in childhood when our unconscious mind creates narratives to keep us safe (like, if I’m good and quiet enough, my parents won’t yell or be loud– all will be good). And with enough repetition, this plays out in our adult life.
So, we try to fix our partners, our kids, our parents. If there’s an argument or criticism, we (often quietly) take most of the blame and try to be better.
Instead, just for a moment, think about what you might need or want. For example, if you are going through a hard time in a relationship, you may be consciously or unconsciously thinking about whether you could do something differently to improve things and make the other person happier. But what do you need and want? If you take some time in silence, to ask yourself this, and connect with your heartspace, you might notice sadness, or a desire for connection, or exhaustion.
What is your inner self-feeling and expressing (heart space) – vs – how can I fix this (headspace). The aim is to connect the two. And the energetic space in between the heart and the head is the throat – your voice. Can using your voice and speaking up be a part of the solution?
Your feelings and experiences matter as much as the other person’s. If this is hard to practice, find an old picture of yourself and try to connect with what that little person would want, feel or need. Or, think of your child – what would you want for them? Probably lots of self-compassion and loving care. It’s an ongoing and continual practice.
Be gentle with yourself, and remember it’s all part of the journey.